The Lion, The Bear, and Some Crazy Closets
by My-Bella
Summary: Rated "M" for suggestive & naughty language. Ever wonder what your closet thinks about your clothing? We find out what the Cullen closets have to say! This is a Cookie League production. If you enjoy, please check out our other stories.


**Another amazing Cookie League Production …**We still don't own anything

Brought to you by Hellopants, Angelic Messenger17, & My-Bella

Dex:

I'm Dex. I'm just a janitor's closet at the local high school—nothing too important about me. When I'm not storing tons of cleaning products, I'm being abused by the teenagers that attend this damn school. The big burly guy and the tall blonde are the worst offenders; I think their names are Everett and Ramona…Or maybe Emmett and Rosalie. The fumes from all of the products in here make it hard to remember anything clearly. Not to mention that I'm not as young as I once was. If you were to take a chisel and scrape away my layers of paint, it would be just like reading the rings on a tree.

Sorry, I ramble because of my bad memory. I was supposed to be talking about that Emmett and his Rosalie. If I wasn't a closet, I'd definitely be trying that guy's moves. I'd have to rely on myself for the talking portion because he seems to be more affected by the fumes than me. But for the physical stuff, that guy is a master. Every time they come in here, that girl's growls and moans echo off my walls for days afterward.

This one time, he had her perched on the edge of the sink in here and…Oh, but you don't really want to hear about that. Just know that it was hotter than hottest summer day in here that time.

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Sugar:

Poor, poor, little police chief man. I ain't never seen a sadder soul in all my days of wood and plaster. They ain't been a woman's touch in this house or on that man in nearly nineteen years. And he's so nice and even tempered. His uniforms are always perfectly hung up on his hangers. Although, that daughter of his is the one to hang them up these days, but I think she'll be leaving again soon. Sometimes, I watch the chief stare into my depths as if he was looking for something, but forgot what it was. I sure wish he would find himself a woman to love him. She might want to rock his world while she's at it because I have a feeling his trouble with that Edward boy is that he's jealous Edward is getting action and he ain't. Although, from what I hear from the daughter's closet, it sees more action than the daughter, what with that Edward boy always going in and out and in and out.

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Luke:

Hi! My name is Luke! Being a police station closet isn't easy, it takes a lot of hard work! I provide a place of comfort to the force, like a big brother. I have comforted many officers…some two at a time. Officer Heart and Officer Anders like to come in here every couple days for a little comfort. They move against my shelves so it's almost like a group hug! I don't quite understand why they like to hug naked but it makes them happy and I live to serve. 

The chief likes to visit almost everyday. He has this special spot near the back where he keeps a special box. Filled with love, warmth, and sugar, those doughy rings of happiness. The mere scent of that box makes Charlie smile. I am so glad I could comfort him like this!

There is only one officer I refuse to comfort. He comes in here and starts grabbing my things! I would share them if he asked, but no he has to go and take all the police badge stickers! I wanted to wear those, but he runs off and gives them to kids who don't appreciate their value!

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Buck:

I am the closet of a werewolf. There is nothing left in me, except for a few tattered rags that mostly survived Jacob's transformations. The only solid piece of clothing in me a sock he snagged from that Bella girl's house and hid on my top shelf, way in the back. He better hope no one ever looks up there because I damn sure won't be covering for him. I was never filled with clothes, mind you, but I at least used to count as a real closet. Now, I'm just a tiny room with a pole and shelf. It's a sad, sad life for a closet. I used to at least hope he would meat some nice girl and put her clothes in me, but with the way he's headed, that Edward guy is going to put him into an early grave for chasing after that Bella girl. Damn werewolves…Why couldn't I have been a vampire's closet?

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Robert:

Robert here. I live on awful life of high fashion holding. That pixie called Alice hangs more and more clothes on me everyday. My rods are starting to sag in the center from all the weight. Those clothes maybe tiny but they weigh more than you think! I would rather just kick back and hold some football jerseys, but instead I am stuck with a giggling shopping addict. Alice doesn't even let Jasper keep clothes in me he has to have a dresser. Oh, wait he has a suit in the back corner of me. One suit! 

At least I'm not her bathroom, that thing gets more abuse than I do every time that Bella girl comes around. They go on for hours and hours just putting more layers of goopy stuff on her face. Why can't the three of them just put on tight shirts and carry around beer?! 

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Heather:

Hello, I'm Heather the newest utility closet at Forks High! I hold all the newest mop heads! There were these two students who wanted to show me what the school is all about. The boy was called Mike and he was dragging this girl Jessica to talk to her in the privacy that I offer. He took her face in his hands and started to put his lips on hers. She looked a little disgusted but she didn't stop him. It wasn't until Mike tried to take off her shirt that Jessica backed away and threw that thing you call a hand right at his face! She walked out very fast saying words I had never heard before. Mike just stood there holding on to the red stuff that came out of his—of what do you call it—nose. Now I knew how to handle this school, thanks to Mike and Jessica.

The next two people that came to visit were older. I think they said something about being teachers, but I don't remember. The man kept saying lots of numbers while he was accidentally bumping in to the girl against my wall. I wonder why it took so long for him to realize that he was running into her. After he stopped they both walked straight out my door and went separate ways.

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Rita:

Hello, I'm Rita. Have you ever had one of those days where you want to drool all over your master? Well, I suppose he's not my master, but rather my stocker. That sexy Edward puts stuff in _me_ all the time. Bella should be worried about me scooping Edward up. I mean, how could a girl resist? It's really too bad that the human doesn't realize he is more of a closet man. 

I have to confess that one day while Edward was digging in my shelves, I closed my doors so we could have a little private time without prying eyes. But then that evil bouncy Alice stormed in and grabbed him up. She told him to go to that _Bella_. After Edward walked out of the room she came over to me and abused me! She broke one of my knobs off! Esme had to go to the home improvement store and buy me a whole new set of knobs! Then that Alice…she broke one of my doors right down leaving me exposed. She told me never to try anything with Edward ever again. That Bella has all the luck. 

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Mercy:

You know, I expect it from the young interns. Hell, I don't even bat a shelf when the nurses do it. But when a seasoned doctor like Carlisle Cullen sneaks into me to play a little tonsil hockey with that wife of his…No respect. Here I am, a hospital supply closet, the ground zero for all medical procedures, and all I really am is a glorified Holiday Inn for the sexually frustrated staff since they don't get to go home very often. But it could be worse…I could be an empty closet. Just thinking about it makes my shelves shudder.

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Eliza:

I am Eliza. My life here has been a quiet one, but I would much rather have it this way. I always loved it when Bella left her soft clothing with me. My worst days came when a little pixie Bella called 'NO Alice' started to fill me up with things that were new, and stiff. A man named Charlie sometimes comes to visit me when Bella is not near. I believe that he is looking for the sweet, handsome devil that visits me when Charlie is speaking to Bella in the night. But Charlie shall never find him visiting me. Because I will always hide him well, and keep him safe, unlike that Jacob boy that is always bothering me!

I have hid my Edward on many occasions, but there is one night that stands out for me. He had been kissing Bella when she made a weird noise--one that Charlie heard. Edward flew into my protective embrace and though each time for us was special, this one was made more so by his shirtless, perfectly sculpted chest being on full display to me. How I wanted to hold him in that moment...Just thinking of it now shaking my shelves and twists my rod.

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